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welcome to scaling up H2O the podcast where we scale upon knowledge so we don’t scale up our systems my name is
Trace Blackmore I get to host this podcast called scaling up H2O it’s the best job in the world thank you for
everybody out there in the scaling up Nation for allowing me to have it and
happy world kindness day well two days early so if you have not prepared to be
kind to everybody in the world start doing that two days from now and
hopefully we do that each and every day I want to introduce my guest in a second she’s going to help us with being kind
to everybody but let’s face it that’s our duty if we’re kind to everybody everything else just works out and
nothing good has ever happened when you were unkind to somebody so just think
about that Nation a few things about world World kindness day it’s to help
promote the importance of how we should be being kind to each other and
ourselves the purpose of the day is to help everyone understand that kindness
builds us all up it binds us all together and this understanding helps us
power the bridge between whatever we think we can’t connect to something we
can I mean think of all the arguments that you’ve had with somebody all the disagreements the fact of the matter is
you agree with more of what that person thinks then you know and we have more
similarities than we do differences however In the Heat of the Moment we can
only see that one thing that’s polarizing us but if we were to train
ourselves to not react but rather ask
more questions I guarantee you will find out that that person is closer to saying
the exact same thing you are than you thought we have more in common than we
do differences and when we open up dialogue and we ask questions and we
want to know more we are able to see that our job is to build others up
according to those needs and help those who listen just imagine
if that was a mission statement that whatever words that came out of our
mouths we were going to choose kindness well ladies and gentlemen I am going to
introduce my next guest and we have had her on twice before our guest is
Kathleen Edelman she is a Communications coach and she is phenomenal I say she’s
phenomenal because I’ve always had a great relationship with my lovely bride
Stacy however she changed everything and I realized that I spoke a language and
so did Stacy and we didn’t always get the proper translation Kathleen gave us
both the tools to help understand ourselves first and then we were able
able to understand others but more importantly we were able to choose the
kind words to build the other up a nation I use this in every relationship
that I have and I could not think of a better guess to bring on to talk about
all the things that we can do to help promote kind words being two days before
World kindness day ladies and gentlemen Kathleen Edelman
scale nomination I am so excited today I am here with a returning lab partner
Kathleen Edelman Kathleen so excited to have you on the scaling up H2O podcast again
you know I love to do your podcast you’re one of my favorites and thanks for having me again and I love the topic
for today well we’re talking all about kindness and we’re going to get to all
of that but I want you to know that the scaling up Nation loves what you have
brought to us I have received so many comments that the work that you do has
changed so many people’s ability to give kind words to other people and I myself
am included in that well thank you I appreciate it because I tell people the
day that I stop hearing the AHA moments trace or the day that I retire and I
still hear them daily I’m pretty sure I shared with you that when I was
introduced to you I was invited to an event at our church that I didn’t want to go to and uh my first inclination was
to to say no because I was having a bad day my lovely bride Stacy we had a disagreement and because I said this and
she heard that that’s right I I remember and I don’t tell a lot of people this
but I want to tell you I’m going to tell the scaling up Nation this that I remember showering after that
conversation and I was crying and I’m a red and I was crying because I could not understand
how we got to where we got to in the conversation because I had love in my heart but it was not received at as love
at all and then a friend of mine Jody invited me to hear your content uh he
didn’t tell me it was your content and I knew I needed to go and do something that was more healthy instead of just
wallowing and how upset that I was so I agreed reluctantly to go and that’s
where I was introduced to your comment I have no doubt in my mind that that was
destined to what I needed to do at that very moment in time and it changed
everything at a moment in time that I was so ready to hear it well you’ve heard me say on stage because I know
you’ve come to see stuff and to learn which I love Learners is that even with
your listeners today if it’s the first time they’ve heard my voice if it’s the first time they’ve heard about this
content of communication and temperaments it is because today’s the day they’re supposed to hear it just
like that day was the day that your heart and mind were ready to receive it
any other time it wouldn’t have worked I mean your body it just wouldn’t have worked you would have went like and it
went on but today is the day that if your listeners are listen welcome because your life’s going to get changed
today because once you hear what you’ve heard you can unhear it so you literally
would have to make a choice to be unkind or unhealthy so I love that it is it is
a choice and we have a duty to build each other up according to their needs
and those who listen but you’ve created handles around that so we actually know how to do it exactly and remember the
thing I think that at the beginning people I what I hear back is you know
they always want to change the other person like you thought it was something your wife did that day right and how of
course of course but the one thing and we have to talk about temperaments but the one thing that all the temperaments
share Chase is selfishness and as long as we stay there you’re going to have terrible communication
conflict no resolution but we when we can move from selfishness to servitude
everything changes and that’s even being a servant to yourself like are you being
kind to yourself you know that’s where it starts Kathleen we were joking before
we started recording but we have a son Hayden that is a very high yellow as a
red I just don’t understand but I do because I know his needs and I know that
he’s focused on people where I’m focused on getting the tasks done and why isn’t he more organized well he’s not wired
that way I have got instant Grace because I understand this language absolutely and that’s exactly what it
does exactly that instant Grace your ability especially for you as a red but
all temperaments it creates that space to have a pause and that pause moves you
to servitude instead of selfishness you taught my my bride Stacy and I the word
pause as we were meeting together and that has changed our conversations that
well that has changed the conversations that go awry we now have a a code word
where I said this you heard that as soon as one of us realized that we’re getting out of sync with each other the other
someone says pause and we immediately snap out of it and we talk about okay what did you actually say where were you
coming from and we get out of you’re not understanding me to how do I understand you it has been the best advice anybody
has ever given us throughout our entire marriage yeah because the pause you know Reds and
yellows immediately think well you’re talking about me because they’re so outward they’re ex they’re extroverts
right thoughts and emotions immediately outward what it does only for you for
the red yellow is it gives you that filter time and then they go well blues and greens you’re easy at the pause no
we’re really not the pause for the blues and the greens is that ability to pause so we can process because remember our
thoughts and emotions go inward so we’re not always ready to have the quick answer you know so we that pause gives
us the opportunity also to process what’s going on and then you know I’ve
told you a lot of times what part did I play and what could I have said or done differently you know what part did I
play in this conflict and what could I have said or done differently because there’s only one reason one that there’s
conflict ever and it’s because somebody’s not getting their way period let’s not make it more complicated than
it is for today I would love your listeners if they have conflict to pause
and ask that question who here is not getting their way that’s what’s causing
the conflict such great advice well Kathleen in two days from now it’s going to be World
kindness day what does that mean to you you know I hope it means what my heart
hope it means and that is that people just don’t blow by that word you know we have a tendency and if
you’re reading scripture or a book to just whip my words thinking you know
what the next sentence is or the next thing and there and you and I know there’s been a lot of talk about
kindness so my first thought is I hope that it isn’t diluted
that people really embrace what this truly means because it is one
of the most important things that I base my whole mission on is kind words
because within kind words it comes kind to behavior and then now we’re treating
people as if they’re people they’re they’re this is a person to be loved and
understood right so I really hope that it doesn’t become just a you know one of
those holidays you know because everybody’s wearing kind t-shirts you know that that would be a loss to me I
know your mission is for everybody to know that kind words are cool absolutely
my kind words are different from your kind words so I I don’t want to have
another podcast where we’re explaining the basics of the temperaments because Nation if you want that we’ve got that
so we’ve got part one and episode 117 and then Kathleen was so kind to come back and do the 2.0 episode on 179. by
the way on 179 Kathleen you’ve said this but I never heard it until you said it
on this episode and I got goosebumps you can’t see that on the podcast but you
told me it was my responsibility for me to get my needs or for me to realize if
somebody else wasn’t giving them to me it wasn’t their responsibility it was my responsibility to choose kindness I
heard it but I didn’t understand it until you told me that and that was just
amazing I I wish I could show the Goosebumps I got when when I heard that that was really when I truly understood
the message you were trying to convey so total Segway total tangent but I don’t know if I ever told you that
um nation that was in 179 but I want to pick up from that because we’re talking
about being kind we’re talking about kind words and your kind words are the
words you need to hear are different from the kind words that I need to hear so how do we help the scaling up Nation
with that well you have you do have to know the foundation of the temperaments and
you’re free to discuss whatever you like around that yeah and and again the temperaments are you know there’s two
extroverts yellow and red introverts blue and green then there’s task oriented people and people-oriented
people so the tasks are the red and the blue and the people are the yellow and green that’s the very basis right there
but as you learn temperaments it’s almost like if you think in your mind
layers okay that’s the first layer then it’s the strengths and weakness layer
each temperament has their own set of strengths and weaknesses which leads to the understanding that each temperament
has their own language they speak their own words and they hear
their own words okay then a very important layer that
Separates Me from everybody else is the innate needs layer and that’s what you just brought up you
know in the 179 we talked about you cannot depend on other people to fill
your innate needs you first and foremost have to understand your wiring I have to
understand that safety sensitivity support and space and silence as a blue
I’m trying to fill every day I’ve been trying to fill that my whole life because that’s my wiring I cannot
depend on my husband to fill those or my children because I have to remember in order to
be a better friend to you I cannot give what I don’t have so I have to fill my own love tank so
that when I see you I can have something to give you now if
my husband feels them we are married that’s how he honors God that’s icing on the cake
children sprinkles on the icing but I could be in this world alone and I still
have a job to do right so that’s where that communication is so
important with kind words is when when my love tank is full and then I have lunch with you and I
understand loyalty sense of control appreciation and credit for work which are your Trace
innate needs I can pick words that fill those innate
needs which is exactly what we talked about I have to let words out that fill
according to your needs and Build You Up so the words that Build Me Up Fall
within my strengths and in my innate needs the words that Build You Up Fall within your strengths and urinate needs
so I’m literally and your listeners you’re learning how to speak another language because if I listen to
understand I’m going to be able to identify your temperament and now I want to use words that you can hear
so that we eliminate any gray area because remember what we just said most
conflict is because somebody’s not getting their way either they’re not heard or you know whatever the situation
that eliminates that gray area if I can speak so that you can hear me
and it goes right into your innate needs it’s going to change every conversation Kathleen so many times we’re just
thinking of how I’m going to communicate what I need to say to you but now I need
to consider how you’re going to hear it how do you coach people to get to that
they have to really truly understand the art of communication two most
communication is not intentional it’s unintentional because the person is just
speaking out of their language but if you want to be kinder to me in your
communication you are going to pause and you are going to practice words that I
speak in that film my innate needs because at that point I can hear it if
you came in to me and said hey I really admire that that goal you did you got it
done right away that was unbelievably Brave okay sounds nice but that’s a
completely red sentence so I’m as a blue trying to decipher exactly what you meant by that because
those aren’t words that I would use you know and the topic is kindness you have
to practice I am not a rocket scientist by any stretch imagination I’m sure that’s on the other episodes the only
reason I’m fluent in the other temperaments is because I talk about temperaments and communication every
single day if I spoke Spanish as or French or Italian as much as I talk
about temperaments I would also be fluent in those languages so when I came across somebody that spoke French and I
could fluently speak French how is that going to make that person feel understood right the temperaments kind
of run in that same Circle if I come across the yellow and I can speak yellow
I don’t become yellow but I can speak yellow I am being kinder to that person
one of your questions to me was what does kindness have to do with communication I think it has everything
to do with it I think you have to understand the Power of Words and that each word that you choose every word you
use is a word you choose is either going to tear down or build up is either going
to give life or it’s going to be death so choose kindness choose words that fit
that temperament it has everything to do with communication Kathleen I’ve heard you say that phrase
before and I want to underscore it I’d like for you to repeat it well I’m going to repeat it to get you to repeat it but
the words you choose are the words you use that’s so powerful yeah it is
because nobody’s telling you what to say so you’re choosing the words that you use every single day and people want to
go well I was busy and I didn’t realize I mean then the world starts pressing in in what everybody does it within their
own temperament they will blame well I was busy or I didn’t know or whatever that’s not just
a red trait no that’s not just a red tray I for a blue I was overwhelmed or I
was interrupted or the yellow I didn’t know or the you know the green you didn’t give me all the information I
mean you can go right down the weakness chart of every temperament and find the excuses but there is no excuse to me to
be unkind to another person especially when you’re talking about words nobody can tell me give me one scenario
where using unkind words is a benefit I’ve done this for too long 35 years
there just isn’t a scenario where it works even for a strong red Trace you are going to be and and you
and I have talked about this in exhaustion a red in their strengths is
truly a dynamic leader worth following your listeners are extremely lucky that
they’re talking with you that’s a healthy red there you go it puts you
either as the healthy red Dynamic leader worth following or the bully on the
playground you’re going to have many more people follow a red that’s a dynamic leader worth following or
you’re going to get somebody who’s they’re following out of fear how is that going to ever be productive it
never is productive and I can I can force people with a very strong tone and
loud volume that the path of least resistance is just hey I’m going to do what he says but they’re not going to
enjoy doing it and they’re definitely not going to include me in their thoughts as they do it so we can
collaborate together and I guess that brings me to my next question so so many
of our listeners are in business and many of our listeners have brought this to their business and that was the
comment that I made at the top of the show where I’ve gotten so much feedback of how it’s changed how they communicate
with their team with their family with every relationship that they have my
question for you is how have you seen this used in business and if somebody’s
just listening today and they want to start start something they want Kinder
words they want better understandings of all the relationships of the people that they have within their team what’s
something they can do to start so absolutely fabulous question and the
question again is so perfect for the time that we’re in because I work with a
lot of Corporations and all the other personality assessments
tell you about you right and they’re telling you if you’re a high I or a high
D or you’re an eight or a two this is how you present yourself
and when you are you know working in your strengths or this is what you need then you can create a positive
atmosphere there is a huge huge difference Trace between positive thinking and kindness
two totally different things I want people to be not only kind to others but
kind to themself and how they can start doing that is truly understanding The
Power of Words and are they again lifting up or tearing down are they positive or negative but we have to
understand this new thing about think it’s not a new thing positive thinking has been around but right now with
mindfulness and everything and wellness in the school systems we’re hearing a lot of the word positive thinking and
kind of mixed up with kindness well first of all we have to understand that within positive thinking you have
to understand that it’s not just simply staying positive and believing in your
dreams and good things are going to come your way no if we stay there you’re using the
value of support you’re using the value of learning a lesson you’re losing the
value of emotion or feeling right so first thing we have to do is we have to
understand positive thinking just means it’s your approach to unpleasantness
you want to be in a more positive or productive way of thinking positive thinking often starts with self-talk
which you know I talk about all the time so self-talk is an endless stream of
unspoken thoughts that run through your head that’s what self-talk is okay we
want to understand this is how we want to think of positive thinking positive thinking starts with self-talk and some
of your self-talk comes from logic or Reason other self-taught arises from
information or it’s created from a lack of information right so we have to
think about okay what are we saying to ourselves we have to think about what
are the words that we’re talking to ourselves and are we talking negative how do we know we’re talking negative
well are you filtering out things are you like filtering out all the good and
only focusing on the negative are you personalizing things you know when something bad occurs you’re blaming
yourself or or somebody else are you magnifying are you making big deals out
of minor problems is it perfectionism you know are you making impossible
standards for other people so this is positive this is what is positive
thinking self-talk negative positive that is not kindness
kindness is behavior kindness the art of kindness means
harboring a spirit of helpfulness it’s being generous it’s being considerate
this is you’ve heard me say this it’s doing things without expectation doing
things pure-hearted without expectation kindness is a quality of being it’s an
act of giving kindness to another person it’s positive it’s healthy do you see
the difference positive thinking can lead to the behavior of kindness that’s why when I
teach temperaments I say we’ve got to learn to stay in our strengths we’ve got to learn to First speak kind
words to ourselves because just like I said a few minutes ago you can’t give what you don’t have so if you’re not
building yourself up and urinate needs through kind words coming from positive thoughts it’s it’s
going to be impossible to have the behavior of kindness a question I can see people having you know I’ve had a
lifetime of thinking the way that I think right now and what you says makes total sense and I wish I could remember
where I read it but I recently read something that the thoughts the self-talk that we have they didn’t use
that language that’s your language is 90 percent more negative than it is
positive and we tend to talk to ourselves in the negative oh you idiot why didn’t you do it this way yep so my
question is how do we start programming our self-talk so we can out of our
self-talk give others what we now do have yes great question because that’s one of
the questions I literally get first well how do I stay in my strengths and here’s
a very interesting thing too when I work with children children always go to
their strengths first when they come in my office and they they see the chart they immediately look at their strengths
yeah I’m a good leader yeah I’m really thoughtful I wrote my mom a really good Mother’s Day card okay you know why
they’re not tainted of the world they’re so pure in their temperament right you and I are tainted
the world has told us your bossy or Kathleen you’re too sensitive right
you’re um too obnoxious you’re too this you’re too that or why can’t you be like that or why can’t you be that
so one of my very first activities that will help your listeners and I’m sure
they’ve heard this before but it works is once you understand your temperament
you have to apply what you’ve learned so if I have a tendency to be stubborn
or I have a tendency to be critical or judgmental because I’m a blue that’s how
I’m wired I have to do the pause and I have to say to myself what does this circumstance
require of me selflessly and what I find when I ask
that is oh this circumstance requires me to be more thoughtful it requires me to be more logical it
requires me to be more empathetic all the things that are on my strengths list again my choice
it’s my choice to be kind to myself that’s where my strengths are and when
I’m over here constantly picking I have a tendency to but I’m going to choose now I’m living out of my strengths
and as I live out of my strengths I change the way I talk to myself
because I am wired for compassion I’m wired for organization I’m wired to
think logically why would I not exercise those muscles more than Moody critical
skeptical if you’re exercising the weakness muscle a lot of times it’s out of protection
even for a red if you’re being bossy and impatient and arrogant there is
something there you’re protecting yourself from whether you want to admit it or not right you’re over there because if you
were over here maybe you wouldn’t get what you wanted maybe you know it wouldn’t turn out
exactly maybe somebody else would get the recognition and see that’s where that selfishness comes in
so kindness you know it’s proven once you speak more kind to yourself it
increases self-esteem it increases empathy it increases you know compassion
it improves your mood it helps your blood pressure it helps your stress
hormones I mean it helps everything and kindness also helps connect with other
people it directly impacts another person
even if it’s just a smile or it’s just a look that can even be exactly what that
person needed that day again great advice a couple of years ago a matter of fact it was during the
pandemic I was seeing the entire world negatively uh my business has just
changed overnight as everybody’s did and how am I going to make sure that my team members have a job how am I going to
make sure that we service our customers and it just consumed me and everything
that I saw I painted it negatively and I
chose that I was no longer going to watch the news in the morning and that was just such a simple thing and it
changed everything because they were telling me all if it was negative it was I guess uh infotainment and I stopped
watching the news in the morning so I now get ready in the bathroom instead of with the television on I just have some
music on and it’s uh it’s just instrumental music and I think while I’m
doing that what are three people that I can identify that I can help today and
that was what I replaced with the news and that was a game changer for me and people people came to work and they’re
like what what are you doing is there something in the water that you’re drinking why are you so different and it
was just that little simple thing it was that little tiny Domino that got the other ones going I love that you did
that because that kind of goes into what is called The Good Neighbor policy or
the good friend policy and it’s would you say or do that to a good friend or a
good neighbor you know if you wouldn’t say it to them why are you saying it to yourself right but just like people want
to go oh you know I’m I don’t want to eat those chips or you know they’re thinking about drinking and eating and how it affects their body they’re not
thinking about how information coming in affects your mind and here’s what’s
baffling to Me Maybe it’s an age thing Trace I’m just gonna say but I’m perplexed at how much people
take in information and they don’t know the source they do no research
whatsoever on it and yet they build these strong opinions and a lot of times
negatively unto themselves like I should be a certain way I should be doing this
I should be doing that why am I not this why am I not that that is absolutely
going to break that person because where your focus goes is where energy flows so
if your focus is negative on you that’s where your energy is going to go and
it’s going to come out to everybody that you cross paths with so we really have to think what am I
focusing on you changed your focus and your energy flow changed that simple
Kathleen I love the analogy that you teach just like the airlines say you’ve
got to put your own oxygen mask on first before you can help others obviously if I don’t have air I’m not going to be
able to help others exactly I don’t understand these things I don’t have it to give to others that’s right so
powerful I want to share a situation that happened to me a few weeks ago and
I’m kind of curious what I could have done because it it it did upset me so I
was in Walmart of all places with uh with Hayden and we were getting some
school supplies by the way the school supply list never ends there’s always something else that they need I I don’t
know how that happens so we were getting like item 20 on the list after we
thought we were done with item 11 so this is the fifth time we were at Walmart and uh at the customer return
center where we were checking out we had a clear view there were two ladies just
screaming at each other and there was a flat screen television I’m assuming they
were arguing over the television and then there was a manager that came over and he was screaming at both of them and
it it made me sad it made me sad because there was no kind words there there was no consideration of the other person and
the other thing that upset me was everybody was crowded around because
they were entertained by it and they all had their phones out yep and Hayden
started to do that and I said no sir we are not doing that and we left the store and he asked me why are you so upset
over that and I didn’t have the exact words to truly allow him to know what I
was feeling but I told him I was saddened that nobody was trying to build
the other person up and that got to a place that it should have never have gotten and I don’t even understand what
happened but I’m curious you knowing that little bit of the story what can I do to better that in a situation should
I have done something to help those individuals how should I have coached Hayden on what I saw and why it upset me
that’s a great scenario and that’s those are the scenarios I use in my office all the time because because it just
solidifies what we’re talking about and that is selfishness what you saw was
selfishness everybody trying to blame the other person right there was no pausing going on
and all those people probably thought they were right right most
miscommunication isn’t intentional everybody was just trying to push their point one thing that I think you took
and and I think you even had me repeat this when we first met you were in my office as I said as soon as you start yelling
the conversation is over the minute anybody raises their voice you might as
well walk away because whether wherever the dysfunction
comes from and to me it’s just understanding not understanding the art
of communication that’s what was happening there the dysfunction of bad communication
here’s the problem with that is when it’s escalated and when their voices
have went up and they’re in that selfish mode you cannot talk to dysfunction it
is extremely difficult to walk into that scenario without a shock value is what it’s
called like something would have to like make a loud sound or distract the
conversation for you to have one little sliver to be able to slip in
and put out the fire otherwise anybody who walked up to that is putting
gasoline on the fire it oh you almost have to have it smother itself do you see you now the people coming
around this saddens me instead of coming around
in a sense of calmness like just a calmness of I’m here to help
when you’re ready like I I’m here we have a society now that cannot wait to
put negativity on social media and then it’s going to be like oh look at these
Karen’s or look at this in there okay what is that in turn doing it’s speaking
unkind words into your mind just watching the video right because then we
kind of go into the store expecting that I that saddens my heart that we would go
into any place and expect that kind of behavior to another human being so the
second part of could you have done anything not without the help of a
distraction you could not have just walked up and started talking to these
people without a whole higher level of communication skills all anybody could
have done at that point was break those people apart you know separate them for Hayden in the
car though this is a perfect example of how are we going to take what we just
saw and learn from it what did we like about
it what did we not like about it what would we do if we were in that situation
how would we handle it if someone spoke to us that way that’s what you go through
because then when he’s in a situation at school where someone raises their voice or somebody puts their face in his face
he has something in his Satchel that he can draw on we have a four second
default if you’re not putting things in your Satchel to respond to different
crisis or trauma or emergencies you’re going to freeze and it’s in that
freezing that people kind of sometimes lose their mind they just you know because then the selfish you’re not
listening to me this is my right this is what I should be getting actually if you went invisible and you went inside those
three people you would literally be hearing the same thing from three
different people it’s it’s mind-boggling they’re all kind of saying the same
thing but hearing nothing so I would go through those questions with a like what did you see how do you
think you would handle that situation how does that affect your innate needs
like what would you have taken a hit as a yellow would it have been acceptance or approval how would you have leaned
into another temperament you know just the whole thing just talk about the different languages
because then the next time he’s going to be prepared so good so good and and I’m thinking
that I I was so upset by seeing this I didn’t use the opportunity that uh I
could have had with him using that language I was so upset I only had tone
and volume to give and I guess I that immediately put me in my weaknesses
exactly and I missed an opportunity so I desperately need to continue to work on
my cells as I’m sure we all do and I’m going to help you right this minute your words just now where I only had tone and
volume did you only have tone and volume you presented only tone and volume true
but you could have chose what that’s what you had to ask yourself you’re right you’re right there’s a whole list
of incredible strengths that I have you have incredible things incredible
strengths exactly what made you sad was what made me sad as a child which propelled me to
do what I do for a career because exactly what you witnessed
to me is absolutely unnecessary in fact the Dalai Lama says Be Kind whenever
possible and it is always possible I love that see we just we just cannot get
out of our own ways that’s the thing we just cannot put another person first I mean really
even the kids that did video that and put it up they’re watching to see how many likes they get credit it’s
incredible Kathleen I thank you we always turn the podcast interview into a coaching session for me so thank you for
that again you’re welcome Kathleen let me ask we’re in a work
person shortage people are always looking to hire new Talent new team
members and when we do find somebody how do we make sure that that right person
understands that we’re the right team how do we use kind words for them in a hiring process
I love that because I think my business has tripled in the HR field since covid
and because of this it’s not again I love the word kind words I think we have
to understand the broad spectrum of what that means in a business does that person
feel like for you know first of all I would suggest everybody does a temperament assessment when they’re
hiring not a personality assessment but a temperament assessment right then out
of the gate the person feels like you’re asking them to understand them better right
then when you create an atmosphere that is safe
and where people understand like I cannot tell you how many businesses I
know that are putting a color under the person’s name at their office door it
just allows that the person coming into the office or into the room just that
pause that almost subconscious pause hey I’m going into an office of a blue
person they do not like to be interrupted details are important to them you know
they’re sound sensitive so I’m going to talk quietly if your new employee sees
that it’s a constant daily learning of speaking and understanding other
languages because really what you’re doing is you’re trying to have that
temperament Thrive if you have a green employee and you’re showing them Harmony
and respect and feeling of worth you’re going to have a green employee that’s
bringing their best because they’re gonna feel like when I’m at work when I leave it I really feel
like they understand me like they’re not trying to make me be
something I’m not and within that you get the best out of the employee
just like when you and I talked marriages when you’re we’re dating your lovely wife you had your strengths on the table
what made you a catch to her right the minute people get married though
weaknesses start to rear their head and you start to change that person to be more like you that also happens in the
workplace you think you have a successful business and now you’re thinking every employee has to work like
you do it’s not going to work that way you will not be successful trying to
make your employees think and talk and produce and work exactly like you do
unless you have a whole office of Reds and even with the whole office of Reds
their strengths are going to be different they’re wired for the same strengths but in their design different
strengths are going to manifest themselves for their success so just
that just a place where people know that they’re heard
and they’re understood will change your business one thousand percent it’s going
to change your business one thousand percent if your clients feel that way they’ll hang up the phone and go gosh
there’s something about that company and they may if they know nothing about the temperaments they really don’t know why
but it’s because you understood their wiring right but remember I always have
to say we never use temperaments as a weapon or an excuse we’re not manipulating these people we’re
identifying their temperament so that we can love them better by using kind words that’s what’s going to make your
business successful that’s fantastic I took your advice and everybody here at
the company has taken the assessment when we get a new person coming in on their very first day they take the
assessment and we give them a really brief overview of what the assessment
means but then we give them the assignment they have to listen to the two podcasts that you and I did together
and then as we’re training them through the week and our first week is not uh so
technical it’s more about how we work as a team together it’s all within their language the the trainers in my team
they’re all coached to know how to speak to a green by the way most of the people
that work here are greens which is the opposite of red I think I think that’s true that God has a sense of humor we’ve
got every color here but more greens than anything else and just that advice that you gave me we’ve got such a better
team here we’ve got a team that when somebody else is dealing with something whatever it is they want to help that
person that’s right and people enjoy coming here because we’re helping each
other with life we just happen to work together it changed everything thank you for that absolutely because here again
there’s only four different kind of temperaments but we absolutely require
all four to be successful I mean my strengths aren’t your strengths
so when we lean into each other we become more Victorious I mean it’s just that simple I might be successful on my
own but if I lean into the strengths of the other temperaments I’m going to even be more successful but how do you do
that that’s where that humility comes in absolutely Kathleen let me let’s end on
this because you came up with a new book and I guess it’s not new anymore it’s new-ish
um it is the grown-ups guide to kids wiring right and I bought that before
Hayden came into our lives because you told me hey it’s a it has kids on the
title but it is about humans so uh here’s some red advice we need to let
people know that this is how to communicate this is all your knowledge out of your head into book format and
everybody needs to own this I totally agree and it was a little bit here’s the thing the first part of that book is set
up like I said this you heard that you can do it as a study in a small group or at your work there’s the free videos
it’s exactly set up the same what I’m finding Trace though is people are not
taking advantage of the first part because they’re going right to the reference part which is color coded it’s
50 pages of my brain dumped on to a book right and so all you do is flip like you
would go to the yellow for Hayden that’s 50 pages of how to understand yellows what people do not realize is what was
said over you as a child you are carrying into adulthood so there was
something said over an eight-year-old Trace that you are still thinking about now whether it was good or bad and
unfortunately a lot of times the things that you carry through life are not good so you might have heard as a red you
might have heard Trace why are you so bossy why are you always telling people what to do you know give somebody else a
turn okay all those little statements to an eight-year-old Trace you are taking
into adulthood so this book adults think that it’s just about understanding kids but they were
kids once and as they read through this they are going to identify themselves
and they’re going to say wow you know I took a hit when I was nine or I you know
when that coach talked to me like that now I see how that’s affecting me or when that teacher said that to me that
really built me up or when my parents did this they I really feel like they didn’t understand me because everybody
was a kid so it’s it’s a little bit of a maneuver on my part to understand as an
adult you again cannot give what you don’t have so as you’re teaching and
your understanding children you absolutely 100 percent are gonna learn
yourself and that was the design of that book it is fantastic and it is so I think a
lot of people use it where they’ve done the workbook I said this you heard that and then you’re right they go straight
to the references they color coded by the way I love how you did that all the reds are in the red section the blues
are in the blue section but I had never considered what you just said and I will
tell you I remember things that my father told me when I was young I remember things that my stepmother told
me that still haunt me to this day that get me into a mindset that gets me in trouble with my marriage exactly never
thought about it that way and I am one of those people that did not take advantage of the book the way you just
described but next time we get together I will have a different report for you yes and I hope you do because the adults
in the videos represent parents teachers coaches counselors
but they also talk about when they were children so it’s a very Dynamic study
that we me and my team have to be better at marketing it that way because people
love the reference part really want them to to take advantage of
the first part as well Kathleen if people want to find out more
about what you do and how you help people what do you want them to do well they can absolutely go to any of
the social media that run for I said this you heard that they can contact my
assistant which you can put on your information sheet absolutely start with the books I wish I could talk to
everybody personally I do see some clients but there’s events everywhere always you
know drop in on an event send in or email a question I do my best to answer
every question still personally but what I would really encourage people again is
do it every single day I say do it every single day but I don’t want people doing
the temperaments I want you doing it every day so you become the temperaments
that you’re so fluent in it that it does not even take thought to speak the other
language that it’s some comes so naturally to speak kindly to another person that it is zero effort because
it’s free it’s a choice but let’s just get really good at it
Kathleen once again thank you so much for coming on the scaling up H2O podcast thank you for all the wisdom that you
shared with a lifelong study of how to communicate with people how to
understand people and uh Happy World kindness day yay thank you and I love
that it’s world because I literally Trace just got two emails that this is
being presented in the school systems in South Africa that’s fantastic so and we
are going global just with kind words that makes my heart so happy
Nation it is my hope that you are meeting with people like Kathleen maybe
you have a coach maybe you’re in a mastermind group are you getting somebody some people to pour into you so
you can process things so you can use whatever experiences that you are
enduring you can become better from them you can teach others from them so whatever that is I hope you are not
doing that alone I hope you have somebody or a group of people like a
mastermind that can help you if you are thinking about the rising tide
Mastermind maybe that’s the right group maybe it’s not but to find out you can go to risingtide mastermind.team or you
can go to scalingup h2o.com forward slash Mastermind to find out more but
the simple fact is life is too hard to do it alone I found that that out when I
was not communicating correctly and I found my way to Kathleen’s work and
Kathleen has just been an incredible Mentor in guiding me on how to speak the
language of all the different temperaments and Nation it’s so tempting
to do another episode to explain the temperaments but I wanted to bring Kathleen on to talk more about being
kind on how we can have a better mindset how we really could build others up so
if you want to learn more about the temperaments and you should go to
episode 117 that’s the first time Kathleen came on the show and she taught
us everything we needed to know about the basics on temperaments the next time
she came on was episode 179 of course shared with you an epiphany moment that
I had on episode 179 so by all means you want to listen to it just so you can
hear the Goosebumps that I referred to when I was interviewing Kathleen just a few moments ago but that was kind of a
2.0 that was like the next level up of what you need to understand with
temperaments and we’re going to have all the books on our show notes page of course the workbook is I said this you
heard that it is a fairly simple workbook to work through but you’re
going to do a lot of thinking so even though it’s not a lot of work in the
workbook of course you’re going to be filling some things out and answering some questions there’s a lot of thought
that goes into it and if you truly process all of the things in the book
you are going to build that Foundation that Kathleen was talking about that
allows you to respond better to that allows you to choose to give kind words
and of course more information on Kathleen and all of the items that we
talked about today are going to be on our show notes page that’s scaling up h2o.com and we will have all of that for
you I know most of you are driving so the last thing we want is for you to take your hands off ten and two and go
into a ditch nobody wants that we’ve got all the notes for you just simply go to
the show notes page scaling up h2o.com Nation we here at scaling up H2O are
always trying to keep you informed of what’s going on in the industrial water treatment industry so here are a few
things you might want to mark on your calendar the national groundwater association’s groundwater conference is
taking place in Las Vegas who don’t want to go to Las Vegas that’s going to be December 6 through 8th so
for more information about that if you are in the type of industrial water treatment that deals with groundwater
check that out on our show notes page and then we have the International Conference on waste water that’s taking
place in New York December 9th through 10th so my staff has done a fantastic
job of making all of these dates very easy for you to find you can go to our
events calendar and it has everything we know about in the water treatment industry where you can find out more
about it what their website is how to register you can even click a link that
will put all that information into your calendar my staff did a great job make
sure you’re taking advantage of that speaking of world kindness day how kind
was that for the scaling up H2O staff to put all of that together for the scale
and up Nation we’re all about kindness here we’re also all about learning so
here’s a brand new thinking on water with James [Music]
welcome to thinking on water with James the segment where we don’t give you the answers we give you the topics and
questions for you to think about drop by drop now let’s get to it
in this week’s episode we’re thinking about the boiler bottom blowdown procedure
what is the purpose of performing a bottom blowdown what are the types of valves typically
seen on a bottom blow down for a boiler are they different types and if so why
are they different types what order should they be open during a bottom blowdown
why is the order important how long should they be opened
what might happen if they are open too long what order should they be closed
why is this order important take this week to think about boiler bottom blowdown in the whys and how it
is performed be sure to follow hashtag tow 22 and hashtag scalingup H2O share your
thoughts on each week’s thinking on water I’m James McDonald and I look forward to learning more from you
well thank you James Nation I hope you celebrate World kindness day the first
world kindness day was in 1998 and now countries all over the
world celebrate it and I’m sure Kathleen will join me in this thought I hope soon
every day will be World kindness day and that starts with you it starts with me
and all we have to do to make that happen is to be kind to somebody else
and Kathleen gave us some great tools so we can do that Nation I hope you use
those tools as handles to take out of this podcast into the world and be kind
to each other I’ll see you next Friday folks [Music]
why do we call our Mastermind the rising tide Mastermind well I know you’ve heard me say before a rising tide raises All
Ships that’s one of my favorite quotes because it’s so true the better we do
the better somebody else can do and vice versa that’s exactly what the rising
tide Mastermind is it’s our members helping other members to achieve success
and to get there further and faster to find out more about the rising tide
Mastermind go to scalingoff h2o.com forward slash Mastermind
foreign